Christina Aguilera, Christina Aguilera

Christina herself may think that she's the best thing since sliced bread but I think someone really needs to smell the coffee! Yeah she can kinda sing but the miniscule amount of talent she does possess is cancelled out by her bad attitude and active dislike of clothes. In short she's cheap and trashy. I listened to her album as I thought I should before I criticised her. This is what I found:

1. Genie in a Bottle

I really don't get why there was so much hype about this song. It's really very boring. It's not a difficult song to sing and she doesn't sing it amazingly well. Its all synthesizers and vo-coders and as for the lyrical content! "You got to rub me the right way". She reckons it means treat her right, but we're not really expected to believe that are we? I mean the video does have her rolling around a beach with her shorts undone!

2. What a Girl Wants

If this was a genuine, sincere song then I suppose the lyrics wouldn't be that bad. But its not. She really shouldn't even try to hit that high note in the middle cos it sounds dreadful. I think it desperately wants to be R&B but it's just pop.

3. I Turn To You

Here we have her trying to be sophisticated and meaningful. The song might be meaningful if she wrote it herself. But singing a song written by somebody else (and as its Diane Warren who admits that they have no relevance to life) is not meaningful in the slightest. It's boring, uninspired and quite frankly if I ever have to listen to it in full again I'll feel very much like stabbing myself in the eyes with something sharp.

4. So Emotional

This one also wants to be R&B but again it fails. You're a POP singer Chrissy - deal with it and move on. Preferably to somewhere like Mars. It's boring and is basically her singing "So emotional" about 15 million times. There's a bit in the middle that sounds like she's in pain. Maybe she'll die. Then I'd cry. (Note to all people minus a sense of humour, I don't actually wish her dead, that would be wrong).

5. Come On Over

This version is actually better than the remix. It's less...what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes, trashy. Apparently it was Chrissy's idea to change the lyrics and she helped write them. I'd never have guessed! She is still trying to convince everyone that she's R&B. Its actually getting quite nerve grating now. This is really cheesy.

6. Reflections

Ok, cruddy pop singers should never be allowed to sing Disney Songs. Disney is good. Dumbo, Cinderella, Snow White etc...they rock! But now, now all my Disney illusions about never ending fabness are shattered. You don't over sing Disney songs. Disney songs were made to be sung along too. Somebody fetch me a big stick.

7. Love for All Seasons

Oh, stop with the trying to be Mariah. Mariah has a beautiful voice and Christina trying to be her is BAD. I really can't take much more of this! It's dull, lifeless and really unoriginal.

8. Somebody's Somebody

Yawn...could it be anymore sleep inducing? It's Christina moaning about how she hasn't got a bloke. The strange thing is she sounds surprised by this. Like 99.99999% of her songs it's very boring and would make an excellent cure for insomnia.

9. When You Put Your Hands on Me

This is quite sickening. She just goes on and on about how she wants to get felt up by her bloke. It's got one of those damn vo-coder things in. Why? It's making my ears bleed. It's horrendous

10. Blessed

OK, this has got to be the most boring song ever. Only good thing about it is that it's about the only song which doesn't involve her screaming.

11. Love Will Find A Way

This sounds exactly like number 7 so just apply that review to this song.

12.

BORING.

So if you're thinking of buying this CD, I really wouldn't bother. It's dull, uninspiring and full of sexual innuendos that you can really live without hearing.