Dick Whitington - Birmingham Hippodrome

From the very first scene this show resembled Haiti 2010, Nigel Havers as the chief villain is like trying to explain scarcasim to Sheldon Cooper, it doesn't work and never will work, he should have stayed in the Jungle and saved us all the embarassment.

Joan Collins at 77 should be sat in front of the fire in her zip up slippers and Julian Clary looked so vacant he must have been counting down the minutes to the end of the run.

Who was Dick Whittington you could hear people thinking and why 'Maureen' the cat?

Watching this debacle evolve infront of you reminded you of the local teams fight for survival in the premier League, the show was crying out for humour, class, professionalism but most of all a script! The four year that won the competition to write this years script must be so proud, if I had heard 'Bless you' one more time after the word Whittington, I would thrown myself over the endless empty rows of seats and over the balcony.

Twenty five years on the run I have enjoyed Birminghams top class panto's and I can honestly say this is the worst effort I have ever witnessed on a british stage, it turned into a one man show and the man was green, covered in feathers and answered to the name Orvil!