L'Enclume, Cartmel

Having spent an amazing week in the Lake District, my wife and I decided to round our break off by staying and eating at L'Enclume.

Having read the reviews and in the knowledge that L'Enclume has a string of prestigious awards, including a Michelin Star we expected to have our minds and pallets completely blown away.

The evening started fantastically well. The staff were perfection and roamed the room just out of sight, awaiting the moment that your glasses needed refreshing at which point they would appear as if from no where to do so.

The Sommelier was knowledgeable, friendly and helped us find the perfect match for the multitude of courses that we were about to start. Not an easy task as we had decided to go for the full tour, about 14 dishes as I recall.

Our first few courses were a genius mix of tastes and textures.

Unfortunately as with all dreams, they tend to end suddenly and this was where we awoke

Warning bells should have started ringing loudly when we asked one of our waiting staff what was involved with the dish we had just been presented with and she didn't know. Apparently it was a new menu and she had not been told nor had she tasted it!

Then as thirst set in we realised that the staff that had been so on the ball, 15 minutes earlier had seemingly evaporated. This left us sitting waiting to catch either the Sommelier or any member of staffs eye as they dashed onto the restaurant floor and just as quickly ran out again, in an attempt to get a drink.

When we finally did manage to grab someone we were told that the head waiter had gone home and that the Sommelier had come in on his day off to help out and had subsequently gone home again!

This left the waiter we were talking to and what appeared to be 3 or 4 teenage girls. Were not talking mid week here, this was a Friday evening in the height of the tourist season. To add to the increasing chaos when we asked our waiter what wine he would suggest we discovered that this was his first week and apparently neither he nor any of his young colleagues new enough about wine to suggest anything. When their staff did eventually manage to bring us our chosen wine, 20 minutes had passed without wine or water on the table. This is a Michelin Star restaurant!

As I mentioned the food had moments of absolute genius but not all of it. Some was just plain dull and in the case of one particular dish that involved Monkfish with Saffron, frankly inedible. Imagine a perfectly cooked Monkfish covered in what I can only describe as sweet coffee grounds and you'll get the idea of what I mean. Did no one taste this dish before it was served? Whatever the reason we started to get the distinct impression that we were being used as expensive guinea pigs for the new menu, leaving a taste not too dissimilar to the coffee grounds.

Now ok, I expect a couple of hiccups if I'm spending £20 a head at Pizza Express but not when I'm dining at a restaurant that claims to be as good as L'Enclume does, with a price tag that came out at around £150 a head, I feel these hiccups are unforgivable, expensive and childishly simple to resolve for a restaurant of this apparent calibre.

The rooms are pleasant and the checkout time a very reasonable 11am. Just don't expect a lie in if you have the downstairs room that we had as the Eastern European cleaning staff liked to set up camp right outside the door at 8:30 having loud and lively discussions in their native tongue.

And finally, I don't know about you but when I spend what is nearly £400 on an evening, when I come to pay I expect, courtesy and to be at least asked if I had an enjoyable stay. We were not given a please or thank you nor were we asked how our stay was. Again, something any ordinary hotel does without thinking.

As you can imagine, I would rather eat my toenails than return to L'Enclume again. Saying that if you add coffee grounds to it, it may well be appearing on the menu soon.

Cartmel, Modern, L'Enclume - The food & place are fantastic we had the introduction 'tatse & texture' menu. £50 per head for eight courses & worth every penny. Food different & exotic but fabulously presented & tasted sensational.

The cheese board at £10 seems pricey but with a selection of over 25 cheeses all explained to you it's well worth it